My father passed away on the day I had my 28th birthday. It was also the day when I was attending my partner's cousin's wedding in Liverpool. A rather complex and mixture of emotion and I was indeed very fortunate to have a partner with such compassion and understanding. I could never imagine myself being able to get over it without having an abundance of guilt, for not being there at the very last moment my father passed away. Once again, I must say I coped very well and that was all because of the support of my partner. Her family and relatives were really kind as well and that was the kind of genuine support which I needed so much at that time.
After a while I did not know how I was supposed to cope with my father's death. I was raised with certain norms and values, and these simply can't be removed or changed no matter how long you live abroad. They certainly play a significant role as well in how I perceive life in general. According to this mindset, Parents are very important, and to some extent you should devote yourself to your parents as they do the same thing when we are young. So not being able to devote yourself to your parents is already atrocious enough, but not being able to be there when your father passes away is an ultimate disaster. Okay, I am exaggerating a bit and it already sounds dreadful without having to add dramatisation into it, but believe me it does leave a bad taste in your mouth!
So I have asked myself over and over again, was it justifiable? I can't answer that. All I know is that this is one of the logical consequences of living and studying abroad.
People in Indonesia seem to have false ideas about living or studying overseas. I must admit, I was one of these people before I left to continue my study in Germany. However, reality appears to be totally different and it took me quite sometime to achieve such a level of understanding. Losing the endearing moments with your family and friends is one of the prices you have to pay. Was I ready? Again, I really can't answer that.
I was shattered but then again life must carry on. I probably wouldn't gain anything by keeping myself stuck in that moment and being too emotional about it. There's nothing you can do besides being very rational to cope with that because that is the only way you can carry on without falling apart or being eaten by your emotion. Although the holiday in Britain was not particularly joyful it was nevertheless enjoyable. Enough said.
Since then, my partner and I have moved to Berlin and we've officially been Berliner for the last 6 weeks. I was really pleased and felt slightly relieved by the time we actually moved in to our new flat. Looking for a flat in Berlin was a horrendous experience and one that I am not willing again to go through anytime in the near future. However, it was worthwhile doing if you know how cool this city is! Some say it's the city of culture while others say it's a tale of two cities. Whatever people say, Berlin is gorgeous and (my theory) the longer you live in Berlin the more stunned you are by the coolness of the city. I am relishing the prospect of discovering lots and lots of cool part and 'cultural' events in Berlin, such as this one:
We heard from a friend that there has been a festival of light in Berlin for the past weeks. So one evening we went out to confirm the truth of this rumour. It happened to be very 'enlightening' and the city looked extraordinarily beautiful and rather different from how it normally looks in the day time. Too bad that evening rain was pouring down and we weren't able to complete the mission to take more pictures from the other 'enlightening' bits of the city. However, I believe the rendezvous was one of many exciting things that lies ahead of us in this city. We love Berlin already!
